Forgive me for not being around on the blogosphere lately and for being all “me me me”, talking about myself, but I wanted to update you on quite a big step I took recently in terms of adulting and doing what makes me happy (I’m determined to make these two things go together!) in case there are any of you who are in the same boat as me.
If you have read any of my previous posts you will know that I have spent the past year figuring out what adult life is all about. As I was coming to the end of my degree, I was determined to move forward and live a full life of doing things that I was passionate about and never really having to “work” because I would have a job that I loved. I quickly realized that this is a little bit unrealistic to jump right into when you’re fresh out of uni; after a few months of lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, I dusted myself down and got a full time job. It wasn’t a job that I wanted to do for the rest of my life or one that I really aspired to doing at all, but I told myself and everyone around me that “it’s just to keep me going”; “it’ll do for now”; “it’s fine to have until I find something else”. Fast forward almost one year and I am still without this “something else” that I spoke of, whatever it was. Despite my ambitions to being an awesome career woman and a girl boss who took life by the balls, the daily grind took its toll on me. It’s a lame excuse but honestly, after working 40 hours a week as well as sleeping, trying to get fit, catching up with friends, trying to be a good human, starting my blog and trying to grow it into something, there was just no time or energy to figure out this mystical “something else” that I so desperately wanted to spring itself upon me.
Now don’t get me wrong, retail has taught me a lot, it’s given me great experience and most importantly, it’s given me wonderful friends, which are things that have kept me tied to that job. However, lately I’ve been feeling fed up and wanting to move on to something that I love doing, a feeling that I’m sure you can all relate to. As much as I want to be a full-time blogger and youtuber, I am grounded enough to know that this is not a realistic career move to take right now, however, I have found myself becoming so busy with everything mentioned above that I barely have time to grow this little baby of mine into a potential career path in the future. So I’ve been feeling tired, overwhelmed, stressed out, burned out and generally just stuck in a position that I don’t enjoy and can’t get out of. As my year anniversary in my “just for the meantime” job loomed, it suddenly dawned on me how trapped I felt and how fast life goes; I had to do something.
So I took a bit of a drastic action: I quit. I haven’t got another job to go to, I didn’t wait around till I found “something else”, I just decided that I owe it to myself to leave and move on to something that I really want, and that I would never find out what that is while my time was being taken up with a full-time job and my blog and everything else in between. This is probably one of the biggest life changes I’ve made for myself because let’s face it, I haven’t been adulting and making big grown up decisions for very long. It may seem a little bit irresponsible to just quit my job without another career move lined up, but as each day has gone by I have been more sure that this decision is right and will allow me the breathing space I’ve been needing.
In the one month since I decided that I would quit, I have applied for more jobs and done more serious thinking about what I want to do than I have in the past year. How crazy is that? I guess sometimes you need the pressure to really get things going. Initially I was frantically applying for just any job to keep me going, but then I realized that I am best not to repeat the past, so I thought about what I would really REALLY love and how I could actually start doing that. My lack of experience and qualified knowledge on all things social and digital make me an undesirable candidate for my dream jobs. I have been advised not to let that intimidate me or stop me from learning as I go with my blog and my (slow) growing prescence on Instagram, but the truth is – I’m a millennial: I’m selfish. I’m impatient. I want it all and I want it now (well, I want some of it soon more like). I just don’t want to spend my days in a job that I don’t love while I very slowly build up my blog in the limited time that I actually have for it. I want my days to revolve around learning more about the things that I’m interested in, and I want to start that now.
So, while I spent my fourth year at university feeling stressed out and desperate to leave, it has become the ex that I am crawling back to with a newfound love and respect, wishing that I never left and said such horrible things about! That’s right – after a lot of thinking and following my gut instincts, Chloe Dangerfied will be getting herself re-educated and will be going back to uni this September to study digital marketing. Maybe this won’t be my missing puzzle piece, maybe it isn’t the right answer, maybe I don’t really have to go to all that effort, but at the moment I feel excited and more sure that this is right for me than I have about a lot of things recently.
Phew! Sorry if that was a bit of a ramble, I just wanted to be honest and felt that I owed you an explanation on where the hell I’ve been lately. Since I only have one Rihanna week left (werk werk werk werk werk werk), you’ll be seeing more of me as I’ll have more time to get my posts up and get my blog AND VLOG life in order. (Sidenote: My Youtube channel is now up and going with more content on the way! Come over and say hi!) Some of you have reacted really well to these “struggling through adult life” posts that I’ve done in the past, so I hope that this helps anyone out there who is going through something similar, I’d love to know if that’s you and what you think about this post. P.S – shoutout to my toe that slyly features in these flatlays and if anyone is wondering, the apple and pecan pastry was really bloody nice and I would highly recommend them. FYI.
Have a great week everyone, here’s to figuring out life and living it the way we want to!